Vampires of the Mind
Steve Park
The Vampire’s Visage
We do not perceive reality as it actually is. We perceive everything through the filter of our internal model of reality. We have all got different models of what we think reality is, so we all perceive reality differently.
Our being seeks to quarantine any unreality that develops within our internal model – to separate the unreal part of the self (or the model) from the rest – this is the creation of a persona (or personality; from the Latin for 'mask'). From that moment, the persona remains bound up with the unreality that created it. It remains 'stuck' in that unreality – that is, stuck in the past. The unreality gives it definition and form.
Reality is in the here and now. Whenever you step out of reality, even for a moment, you invite a vampire into your home (i.e. into your mind).
When we start falling into habitual trains of thought (or behaviour), we are no longer paying attention to what our real self (our present self) wants to show us (which is the way out).
Vampires Beget Vampires
As soon as something upsets you, it has taken possession of a piece of your mind – it is now your upset, your evil, your vampire. You have been 'turned'. You have now become (in part) that which you hate (or fear, or despise). You have (in part) turned to the Dark Side. All of your subsequent efforts to 'correct' the evil outside are now resisted by part of your own mind. You are in an inner state of war (or disharmony), which will inform or dictate your responses. You are now co-creating the evil. If you try to ignore a source of upset (or unconsciously repress it), you are still co-creating it – but subconsciously (so it becomes that which you do not recognise as your own creation).
Each of our personalities is its own vampire, with its own unreality, its own purpose, its own agenda. Each seeks to cause us to reanimate its specific unreality, to keep itself existent. This is the state of us all. If you would seek to heal yourself (to return to wholeness, or holiness), you need first to resolve (not suppress) the upsets in your own mind – then you can be present enough to take the right action (rather than reacting to your own past upset).
How you do anything reveals something about how you do everything. What you are doing now (and how you are doing it) is conditioned by the whole of your subconscious – it is overcast by your shadow (by your internal nest of vampires).
The Vampires' Toolkit
Our subconscious vampires try to steer our actions and reactions – each is seeking to relive its upset, to feed itself, to preserve its own existence. Most of the time we are not aware of this process – the vampires are invisible to reflection and they can disguise themselves as mist – so we do not see why we are urged from within to seek certain situations, or respond to situations in the way that we do.
Personalities are not real – they are undead – but they desperately labour for self-preservation, by tricking you into identifying with them. In this way, they feed on your life-force, preserving their undead, illusory existence at the expense of your real, living existence. A personality seeks above all to project itself out into the world. We believe personalities are real because everyone lives through their personalities.
The vampires are shapeshifters. They seek to preserve the original upset, but will dress it in any available form. Every time we revisit a memory, we change it – we reinterpret it through our current personality, and it shifts its shape accordingly. This is important for therapy because it shows how we can change our relationship to everything within our psyche. All we have to do is inhabit a more favourable personality as we revisit those corners of our mind, and we will change them for the better.
The whole raison d'etre of our vampires is to resist change; to preserve their unreality; to hold us stuck in the past (in the past upset). Since our whole psyche is overshadowed by these vampires, it should be no surprise that we are expert at resisting healing, at resisting (positive) change, at resisting the efforts of our therapists.
Past to Past, Dust to Dust
One of the most profound goals of therapy is to lay these undead parts to rest. Vampires are laid to rest by light and truth – in other words, by reality. The internalised model is preserved until the hived-off (quarantined) experience is reintegrated – until it is opened up to reconnect with the rest of your psyche. The present moment is the source of all our power (which is infinite). The power we imagine the past has to offer is illusory, finite, mortal, and can be taken from us.
The vampire's purpose – i.e. the shadow purpose of an upset – is to preserve that upset (to preserve the vampire). To this end, the vampire seeks to steer us towards experiences which retrigger its upset, or which keep the wound open.
The higher purpose (or light purpose) of every upset is to reintegrate itself, to return to reality – it wants to heal the upset, but to do so it has to render us once more present in (or with) the upset (because the present is where any change or healing must take place).
Therefore, we cannot hide forever from our vampires (or suppress them, or disavow them forever). In one way or another, we keep meeting with our old, unresolved upsets.
Our future is therefore the same as our past, until our vampires are turned to dust in the light of reality, freeing us (and our future) from the shadows of our past.